The Blog of Chris McAlister
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Why There’s A Crisis In Fatherhood
You know it’s there right?
Look around. It doesn’t matter the socio-economic status…Fatherhood is in a crisis.
Science says it’s because the father can abandon their kids easier than the mother. There may be some truth to the biology at work in these situations.
But there’s a deeper reason…
Men have been taught to bury, disregard, and ignore their feelings.
Fathers are notoriously emotionally distant from their wives and children because they are emotionally distant from themselves.
Sadly this is the worst advice.
1. Your emotions make you human.
2. They are messages to your soul from God.When you understand this and learn to invite Christ into your emotions…
- you don’t have to get easily threatened by a comment from your wife that had no negative intent
- you don’t have to get anxious when your teenage daughter begins to individuate
- you don’t have to run…you don’t have to run…you don’t have to runAbuse of alcohol to over-working are a terrible substitute for being present and being with your self/family.
Comments?
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Why You Aren’t Being Transformed
The promise of Scripture is that we are transformed from one level of glory to another.
I would describe few as experiencing that kind of catalytic growth.
But it is possible. And that kind of growth should be the standard. 2 reasons it isn’t the standard:
1. We avoid our hard questions.
The hard questions are the clues to our growth. The very things that you want to hide from others are the places you can experience the most growth. Stop stuffing. Come out of hiding.
2. We think perseverance applies to an internal brokenness.
Perseverance in Scripture is about enduring external hardships. We may face seasonal, internal deserts but the CONSISTENT reality of our Christian experience should be joy. Stop persevering with your internal misery. Admit the hurt. Invite Jesus into the hurt.
Comments?
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Why There Are So Many Wounded Christians
Look around. It doesn’t take long. There a number of people that love Jesus that have a hard time relating to the church.
I should know. It’s a miracle I still pastor. I didn’t go to church for about 5 months during one spell.
The reason that there are so many wounded Christians is that there are lots of wounded Christian leaders. Hurting people hurt people.
Choices:
1. We can become cynical and jaded. We can bash churches and leaders.
2. We can be naive. Deny the pain. Hype ourselves that they are leaders so we should submit to their leadership and move on.3. Let the wounds that have been inflicted draw us closer to Jesus.
The church has never had a golden age and never will on this side of eternity. Leaders will hurt people less as they are transformed. But hurt will still occur. Let’s smash the pedestals and stay focused on Jesus inviting Him into our pain.
Comments?
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Just One
Today…let yourself experience a secure community built on a secure identity.
Share 1 fear about your felt inadequacy with 1 safe person. Just one. Call yourself out and come out of hiding.
Thoughts?
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Why Married People Have Affairs
Allow me to translate:
“I feel like I’m myself with you.”
“You make me feel alive for the first time in a long time.”
“I feel like I’ve found myself when I’m with you.”Really means…I’ve lost touch with who I am. I’ve numbed out. There’s a part of me that you help bring awareness to.
It may not be limited to extra-marital affairs. It maybe a destructive habit. But here’s how it happened:
1. Your soul was disturbed. Questions surfaced. You began to fantasize about what could/should be about your life.
2. You kept on punching the clock and going through the motions.
3. Your soul shriveled. One day at a time. You lost touch with who you are.
4. The part of you that was killed off is awakened by that person or habit.You can choose now to dive deep into no.1 and explore who you are. Spelunk your soul.
OR you can become a hollowed out shell. Then after the false excitement of the affair wears off you’ll find you still face the same problems with your identity.
Invite Jesus into your questions. Even if you’re having the affair, it’s not too late.
Comments?
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Identity And Work Happiness- pt4
We all judge. We all read motives into others that aren’t there.
Hopefully our life trajectory is on a track to do that less and less.
Nothing will destroy and kill your ability to enjoy relationships at work like judging others.
You spend a lot of time with these people. Wouldn’t it be better to see them as people? Broken. Hurting.
Receive grace in Jesus for yourself. Pass it on them.
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Identity And Work Happiness- pt3
Frustrations. Coworkers.
Got somebody in mind?
When you drop the need to prove you can be aware of the frustrations you have towards those you work with.
Let’s not be shallow. Drill deep on why they frustrate you.
Why does their inadequacy have to frustrate you and steal your joy?
Because you’re depleted. When you have nothing to prove to them you can approach them differently. You can approach them from the overflow of who you are in Jesus rather than scraping bottom trying to suck something from their soul.
This isn’t pink ponies and fairy tale hype.
1. Focus on how you feel towards that coworker.
2. Isolate one action in your mind you can do to see them as a human being with struggles.
3. Do that action to serve them.When your identity is secure in Jesus you can overflow to the world.
Comments?
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Identity And Work Happiness- pt2
pt 1 here
As it pertains to work…a secure identity in Jesus will either:
1. Light your contribution at work on fire. You will blaze with clarity and confidence in who you are in Christ and how your mission overflows to the world.
2. Give you direction about what preparation you need to make so you can shift into passionate work.For some of you it’s not that you need to change careers.
-Find a way to know your fears and pain. Name them.
-Invite Jesus to teach you and show you how He heals them.
-Let that healing flow through you to others. I know you hurt. Where you hurt now is where you will help heal others later.There’s a big difference between a firefighter who rescues others to prove his worth to the world and a firefighter who rescues others because the rescue he receives in Jesus makes him worthy.
The isn’t cliche Christianity. One works to get. One works to give. One has energy and clarity to lead well at home and work. One is confused and hurting.
One needs work to feel whole. (I used to be that guy.)
Comments?
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Follow The Feeling
I know this goes against the grain.
But your feelings are clues for your personal transformation. Check it.
They are also a clue for the transformation of your relationships.
Who do you have the hardest time relating to right now?
Do you feel you should do any helpful action for them?
Do it and be transformed.
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Identity And Work Happiness
First there’s moving towards work you can be passionate about. Check here.
Then there’s learning to be happy where you are, even if it’s for a short season.
The first factor that gets in the way of your happiness is…wait for it…you.
You woke up today needing validation. You need justification. You want to be noticed. You want to be recognized. You think your boss is a jerk. (That might be true.) But what’s killing your happiness at work is that there is a deep need your work can’t meet.
Most likely your co-worker won’t listen to you and then respond…”you’re so worthy!” “your performance blows my mind” “I celebrate you…just you…and that you are here right now”.
And you may not be aware of it but you would love to hear something from them that would calm your internal anxiety.
Doubt this? Ask yourself:
1. What am I trying to prove to others at work?
2. Who do I need to believe that I am worthy, capable, etc?Learn to get this from Jesus. Invite Him into your need. You will show up to work not needing validation. (Though you can still enjoy receiving it.)
You will drop your search for validation from others.
Thoughts?
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